After losing a stack of weight years ago (about 28kg/62lb, for anyone who cares), I had to do the one thing I dreaded more than the effort required to lose the weight in the first place: buy a new wardrobe.

I am not a fashion queen. I am not glamorous. Until that point in my life, my clothes shopping was conducted in the “you’re-obese-but-we-love-you-anyway” section, or in the men’s department. So my wardrobe consisted mostly of things that didn’t fit me properly (eg a super-long leg because the waist needed to be so huge) and were ugly.

So when it came time to actually go clothes shopping, I had pretty low expectations. But I was surprised. First of all, things actually fit and looked good. But the thing that really got me was…

….apparently women don’t need pockets. Being that I wore men’s clothes for so very long, it never occurred to me that clothing for women would be so fucking useless. Listen up, folks, I’m a dyke. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a glamour queen, not a fucking catwalk model. I want clothes that can hold my car keys. My wallet. My mobile phone. I don’t want no stinking purse!!!!

And apparently women don’t wear long sleeves, or require clothing that keeps them warm. No, that is exclusively a male requirement.

I’ve wanted to write about this so many times, but every time I’ve refrained. But it turns out someone’s beaten me to the punch. Have a read of this great article: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-baffling-things-about-womens-clothes/

Every single word is golden truth.

And while you're there, visit this one:  http://www.cracked.com/article_18622_plus-sized-clothes-translating-baffling-euphemisms.html.  Also golden truth.